Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you made out with another girl for some wings
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
