I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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