Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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