WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
