Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
