I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
