Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sober January is a disaster.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
