I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
