i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
