And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
