DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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