I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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