Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
