I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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