We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
