making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
