WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
