you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
