Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
