What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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