Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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