Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am one with the molecules
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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