People in love make me want to vomit
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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