Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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