sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
