I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
