I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You were trust falling into bushes
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
