Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
