My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
