I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
