You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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