If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
