she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
