That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
