i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
