it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
