I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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