mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
