I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
