dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
