I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
