I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
