I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
