Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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