she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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