you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
