We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
