I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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