So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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