I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
