There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
