Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
