a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
